Prof. Vladimir Dobrushkin
Department of Mathematics

 

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Excuses

Vladimir A. Dobrushkin,Tyler 207, 874-5095,dobrush@math.uri.edu

Life is unpredictable and it may happen that a student did not show up in class or fail to present homework solutions in time. Below, there is a list of possible excuses and a student has an option either to choose one of them or to write her/his own explanation.

Part A (attendance)

1. This is pertaining to my absence from class. I haven't been feeling well and I was unable to attend class.

2. I emailed you before about recieving an absent in your class. I can get a doctors note since I have an upcoming appointment. This semester I have been trying out new medications. I would like to speak with you as soon as it is convientent for you.

3. I am sending you this e-mail to explain my absence from class on Month, Day, Year from your MTH447. I was called into work because someone at work had a family emergency. Next class I will be on a trip to Florida with my job also.

4. I would like to apologize for being absent from your class for the last three meetings. Last week I had a presentation to give on Friday. I was up until 6am Thursday morning working on it. On Tuesday and Thursday morning of this week I felt very ill, and didn't get out of bed on either day until noon. Please except my appologies for not being present.

5. I am very sorry but was unable to be in class today. I have a 3 year old daughter who is sick. No day care will take a sick child. I thought of coming to class with her but she is still sleeping and it is 8:40am and I live in Newport. I did the homework you assigned and I will read up more on chapter 9 for next week.

6. I couldn't attend class due to an allergy shot this afternoon, thank you!

Part H (homework)

1. You told me after class that the Maple assignment would be on the web. However, it is not on the web, and I'd like to start this project a.s.a.p.. Could you please email me the maple project, or let me know when/where I can get it from you.

2. I am writing to ask for an extension on this week's homework. I have been diagnosed with a sinus infection this weekend and have been suffering from horrible headaches. To make matters worse, I am now experiencing an allergic reaction to the antibiotics that have been prescribed.

Part E (exams)

1. I had a business trip last week and did not return my take home exam. But I have completed my take home exam and would like to hand it in as soon as possible.

2. I have unfortunately been caught in a situation that will not permit me to leave work. I work 3rd shift as a paramedic, and this morning my replacement did no show up for work. Our company's policy mandates that I stay until someone can be found to fill the shift. I Hope it is possible for me to make the exam up at your earliest convenience. I am very sorry for the short notice, and inconvenience.

3. I must have not set me alarm last night and completely slept through my exam. I realize this is a little ridiculous and you have been more than reasonable in this matter. This is not very characteristic of me at all. Is there a chance I will still be able to take a makeup, perhaps with some penalty, or anything I can do so that I do not automatically fail this class? Please let me know.

4. I am sorry I didn't, or I should say couldn't up... I had to drive home (which is like 45 mins away) and give the car to my parents because they needed it, so I wasn't on campus all day, I missed work and everything. I was wondering if I could come see you during office hours, which ever would be better for you I am ready whenever you are. Hopefully it is not too late to get points on this test because I really don't want to fail this class, I need it for my major... anyway hopefully you can help me with this, thank you very much for your time.

5. My name is ...  and I'm in your class. I've been going through some rough times with responsibilities at home that distracted me from my performance at school. I did miss some of your classes, and I did very poorly on the last exam. I'm all caught up with the work now. If it as all possible to retake the second exam, I would be most appreciative because I really want to get a good grade in your class. Thank You,

6. I recently received my grade from your ... class this Spring and I was wondering if you could review my grades throughout the course and see if I received a C or maybe a B-. I'm a part time student, as were many students in the class, and unfortunately my company's policy is for us to pay for the class out of our own pocket, then to be reimbursed if we receive a B or better. I don't normally ask for a review of my grade, and I know how busy you must be, but I was wondering whether you could just take a quick look to see whether there was a miscalculation or anything that might bring my grade up to a B.
    I apologize for having to make this request and appreciate anything you might be able to do to help me in this situation. Thank you.

Part P (project)

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

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